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tenyearsinabeaglecollaredshirt

ponderous poetry for the hoi polloi

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Friends of Ambleside

Mr. Lunches

Please, spare a thought for

Old Mr. Lunches,

Who could never be arsed with

Bottomless brunches.

Billy

Billy Bread Basket,

Basket case, fruitcake,

For him life was a loaf too far,

With a disposition as weak as red top milk,

And a haircut most bizarre!

 

Billy Bread Basket,

Basket case, fruitcake,

As mad as a custard tart,

With the visual perception of a star-nosed mole,

As pleasant as a periungual wart!

 

Billy Bread Basket,

Basket case, fruitcake,

Forever crying through his sausage roll,

And boy did he need his bran checking,

If not his heart and soul!

 

Billy Bread Basket,

Basket case, fruitcake,

The neediest baker around,

With nowt but a recalcitrant bottom lip for company,

And a mouth like a burial ground!

 

But now Billy Bread Basket,

Basket case, casket base,

Based beneath a fruit-less-cake seal,

More loaves than loved ones, more sugar than sense,

Oh may he rest in piecemeal!

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