Tax-dodger, total todger,

Misogynistic, dipstick lodger,

 

Pancake-tosser, big space hopper,

Since when was I hired to be your post-mess mopper?

 

Self-promoter, floater voter,

Go to hell and stuff your rota,

 

Backstabber, snake and ladder,

Let’s not forget ‘cafetiere-nabber’,

 

Bedside grazer, big girl’s blazer,

When last you were slim, I had a Motorola Razr,

 

Fat controller, ham joint-roller,

You gimme more grief than an aching molar,

 

Barefaced liar, 2nd floor-climber

Poison Ivy, two-times two-timer,

 

Infuriator, Master Baiter,

Hot rod-prodding agitator,

 

Lord of the Manor, private plotter,

Fetishistic fascist, fat shit rotter,

 

Fiction writer, tacky-tie hoarder,

Penny-pinching, mean marauder,

 

Suitable banker, ball-less wanker,

Can you blame me for such rancour?

 

You probably will, but I wont letcha,

Mr. Cinders, I’m out to getcha!