T’is the green-ey’d monster which doth mock

The kibble it feeds on.

 

Velvet-eared assassin,

Six Dinner Sid,

Vicious when he’s hungry,

He’ll have your arm off, God forbid!

 

Punk rocker panther,

Rebel without a cause,

He’s as handsome as James Dean,

But with pincushion paws!

 

Oh a real heart-breaker,

And early morning waker,

Don’t leave your sofa for a minute,

For he’s a sneaky seat-snaffler!

 

Fleabag for life,

And worth every single penny,

But when he’s feeling under par,

You know he’s had a birdie too many!

 

Dreamies daydreamer,

City slinker,

With his squeezebox spine,

He’s a concertinaed tinker!

 

Ah that daft draught excluder,

Excluding the legs,

He’s more dog than cat,

Im as sure as eggs is eggs!

 

And when nighttime comes,

Lord knows where he roams,

Perhaps he’s sleeping rough,

Or in other people’s homes!